19"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." 20At once they left their nets and followed him. Matthew 4:19-20
He called. I am trying to listen. I am trying to leave my net. I want to follow Him, but how do you leave everything you know, your way of life, your friends, your family, and know that they will go on spending their days standing by the lake, fishing, watching the sun rise and set without you. How do you willingly let go of the everyday life knowing that they will move on as time causes everyone to do. I don't think I know how to leave without a fight. I suppose it will be one of the hardest lessons that I will have learned.
How do you say goodbye?
Some say there is no goodbye, only a see you later. I will see them later, but I will return a different person. So I may see them again, but they will not see me again. Or at least they will not see this me again. So it is in fact a "goodbye" to this time and place, to this person, in this house, in this circumstance. Goodbye to this me I have worked on all my life.
When God calls us to a higher place or a harder place, we can only answer in obedience or spend our lives running from the person He intended for us to be. I've never been much of a runner. I chose obedience. I am choosing obedience. I must choose obedience daily, hourly. We all must choose obedience.
Even when obedience means learning to say Goodbye. Even when goodbye are the words we fear the most. Even when we cannot utter the words for strain in the back of our throats fighting back the tears. Even when it feels like the end of everything we know to be safe, secure, and right. Sometimes we must let the tears fall, surrender to the momentary sadness, look up and find our strength in the voice that is calling us, and we must say yes.
I leave tomorrow. Many more fits with tears are sure to come. But we are not alone. I am not alone.